So we went to K-mart (she got her peanut butter cookies; couldn't find any anise candies--I'm supposed to track them down online) and then to Hardee's, where she had half a chicken sandwich (I consumed the other half) and a strawberry shake (which she polished off solo). We drove around for a while and then took her back "home."
Bottom line, I got home after 8:30, three hours later than expected, so that kind of shoots the available time tonight.
I was quiet on the drive home, and I'll tell you why. A familiar story.
You need to know that my wife is very conservative in most of her habits. Let's just say that I'm not. I had to laugh one time. Appears she had taken an online questionnaire about sex--I came across it later--and her rating was "When did they wire the convent?" Sex is one way, and clothing is another.
Anyway ... one of the thing I have been trying to do this summer is buy her some summer clothes that are lightweight and loose. Today, at K-mart, I thought I spotted a good one. A long-sleeved peacock blue shirt, loose sleeves and body, with gold embroidery around the neck and sleeves. Really pretty one. I thought this would be great for her, with our trip to the pagan fest this weekend in mind. Wearing that, she wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb.
I mean, she dresses like an old woman. An old woman. And some old women I know dress a lot nicer. Just a fixation on ugly, plain, drab clothes.
I suppose I knew how she was going to react, but I thought I'd try anyway. I led her over there and showed her the top. Showed her there was a black version, too, and that they had both in her size. "I don't know," she said. "I'll think about it!"
Innocuous words, but that's because you haven't lived with her for decades. If you did, you would know that "I'll think about it" translates as "I don't think so." I was hoping she would say "Maybe" because "Maybe" usually means "Yes." Or "Yes, but persuade me a litle more."
Anyway, we had already finished our shopping there--my mom had found her cookies--and were ready to check out. If she thought about it again (which I doubt), it would be after we had left for home, 50 miles away.
Sometimes I mentally throw up my hands in exasperation. Why?
That pagan fest is this weekend--leaving Saturday morning and returning on Tuesday. As far as I know, she still plans to go along. Not that she seems that interested. It's just that, she says, she's going so she can be with me. As a little puppy following me everywhere?
I have tried to explain to her that this is a gathering of people who (A) have a very positive attitude about sex; who (B) enjoy sex (heavens!); and (C) also believe in responsible non-monogamy. They are (D) not afraid of the human body and (E) feel everyone should do what makes them happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else and isn't self-destructive.
Maybe I'm worrying about nothing, but I don't think so. I wrote to someone else tonight about this, and said, "I really wonder whether she can free herself from her hangups enough to enjoy herself. Time will tell."
God knows I have tried my best to help nudge her in a different direction, but my best just isn't good enough. Bottom line seems to be: She's happy being the way she is, so maybe I should just let her be happy.
Fair enough. But don't expect me to be content with being miserable. As I like to quote Popeye: "I yam wot I yam."
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