About time, right?

I've taken a break from blogging in the past. Nothing like this, of course.

But Monday was my birthday (No. 63. Thank you very much!) and nearly the end of the year, so I thought I should give you an update.

It just got too busy. I'm writing too many people, trying to do too many things. Something had to give. Posting to the blog drew the short straw.

I came to the conclusion that I was merely entertaining myself. I have a few good bloggy friends who read it, but if you count them on one hand, you'd still have several fingers left over.

I have never warmed up to Facebook. I go there from time to time to see what everybody else is writing about, but I keep my thoughts and wisecracks to myself. OK, Zuckerman didn't make a mint with his stock offering after all.

I enjoy Twitter more. Despite the amazing quantity of verbosity my blog posts can provide, I find the world of 140-character updates more appealing. And I still find it kind of pathetic that people--not to mention companies and corporations--are pleading for others to "like" them.

That's definitely not my style. My attitude has always been: "I am what I am. If you like me, fine. If you don't, move on and find something else to read." Thus, I am "an acquired taste."

Since I haven't written for so long, I feel obliged to give you an update on the cast of characters:

Me: I'm doing fine. But I have been feeling tired and weary lately. I'll explain later.

My wife: She is fine. We are planning a visit to her sisters around New Year's, assuming the winter weather isn't too bad. Either one or two nights away.

My younger son: He is fine. He came over for Christmas Day, when we feasted on sliced ham, scalloped potatoes and watched DVDs together.

My older son and his wife: (My account of their wedding was my last blog post, in early May.) They are both fine. They drove up from Detroit to visit us a week before Christmas, since that's when they could get away. They came here Saturday and left Tuesday morning. Nice having them around for a couple days. Sad that they had to leave so soon. But they are happy together, and that's all that matters.

As for my friends known by their initials:

--S and her friend T are doing OK. It's always touch-and-go with them financially, but things are moving positively. Last visited them in early August.

--B is immersed in her poly life in Alaska. Both she and her husband have friends here and there. They moved from one city to another early in 2012, and her latest letter said they just sold their old house, which is a big load off their minds. They went to Hawaii in November and are in Florida over the holidays. Haven't seen her since 2009.

--N was temporarily in Illinois but will be back home in northern Wisconsin late this week. Last saw her in September.

--M is at her home near Los Angeles. During the past year, she has cut back on work from five days a week to three days. Her choice, since she is (I think) 67. She also had bariatric surgery this fall. She is involved in a vocal group, and I recently sent her a CD I made of a vocal group from northern Wisconsin that my wife and I have seen several times--it was their holiday concert from November. High quality music, many vocal parts. M and I started writing in March. We have never met, and there are no plans to at present. Just pen pals in this internet era.

--K is at her home in northern Wisconsin. We had many adventures over the past year, too many to even start telling you about. Our last visit was just a week or so ago when the four of us (me, my wife, her and her guy) went to dinner and then saw "Lincoln" together. It was a movie we all badly wanted to see but few cinemas up this way are showing. Finally, everything came together: A theater in her city was showing it, and both she and I had the night off.

I don't want to give away the plot. ;) But late in the film, there's a scene where Lincoln and General Grant are talking on a porch--it's days before the end of the war, and they were going to meet with a delegation from the Confederate government about ending the war. In the scene, Grant tells Lincoln how much he has aged over the last few years--how tired/weary he looks.

I felt the tears building up and spilling out. I really related to that. At my job, we have had some changes recently. They told me in October that the editor was going to be out for a while--she had an operation for ovarian cancer, and if you don't know, that's a bad one. At the same time, our part-time writer left to take another job. And we only had three writers, including me. So it has been stressful.

We have added a new editor--a guy who used to live here and who has worked at papers. He's good, but it has taken a while for him to get up to speed with learning the computer equipment and programs we use. So it's just him and me now in the news department. We're hoping the old editor can get well enough to come back part-time. Time will tell.

So it has been sad at work lately. I don't say it has made me depressed, because that suggests something that isn't true. If that isn't bad enough, the National Hockey League may not have a season this year (labor pains), and I love to watch hockey. And finally, K and I have had a very hard time finding time to spend together lately, especially since the holiday shopping rush began, because we're both working full-time. It should be better in January.

I think a lot about one of the apps on my smartphone. It's a timer app with a countdown. I made one countdown with the title "When I'm 66!" When I started it, the number was in the high 1,400s. Now the big number is just under 1,100 ... and counting.

Nicholas Sparks' sausage machine

Not much to report from recent days. I've been working and doing this and that. But on Saturday, my wife and I went out of town for most of the day. Destination: Iron Mountain.

Ordinarily these trips center on department stores and, of course, Walmart. But this time, would you believe it, we never dropped anchor in Walmart's parking lot. Or any other store, really. One exception. We stopped in at the big grocery store in town because my wife remembered she had to get a lemon--to make lemon bars for this morning's fellowship dinner at church. I always cooperate with her on such endeavors--because there are usually a few lemon bars that go home with her, and I like the lemon bars.

Let's face it, I was a little bored, too. I had visited K the week before (just for a few busy hours), and the next visit won't be for another week and a half. And I know my wife and I hadn't gone anywhere since the wedding (which was only two weeks earlier, true), and I don't want her to get too bored at home.

So during the week, I had mentioned going to a movie with her. In looking over the offerings, she seized upon the current movie adaptation of a Nicholas Sparks book, "The Lucky One." I'm neutral on Nicholas Sparks books, but I'm not the one in the family who reads them at night before going to sleep.

We were a little early getting to town, so we stopped briefly at McDonald's to try their cherry berry chiller. We both agreed that we liked it and probably will get more during the summer months. It was sunny at that time--later, it clouded over.

Next, the movie.

Since I had seen a few movie adaptations of his Nicholas Sparks books before, I knew what to expect. And that was exactly what I got. Feisty, independent girl. Rugged, handsome, quiet, mysterious stranger who always seems to have lost his razor. (Understandable that he doesn't shave, since during the course of the movie his whiskers never seem to grow.) Borderline psycho ex-boyfriend/ex-husband, deeply jealous and hostile to quiet mysterious guy. Charming, intelligent little kid. Wise old mother/female relative, trying to guide feisty independent girl towards rugged, handsome man. Inevitable sex scenes where some flesh but no naughty parts are shown--barely even the curve of a breast! And, of course, the inevitable rainstorm at some dramatic point in the saga.

It was about as edgy as a glass of milk. I swear to you, all the movie adaptations of Nicholas Sparks books seem to come out of the same sausage machine. You've seen one, you've seen them all. I suppose it's like a cinematic version of comfort foods. If you like Doritos, you like Doritos. My wife likes Nicholas Sparks books. I've got other stuff to read.

One other thing worth noting: Back on April 27, K and I saw "The Hunger Games" in Rhinelander, That theater has digital video and sound. Very sharp picture and impressive, powerful sound, especially during the trailers that preceded the film. I made a mental note to compare that theater experience to Iron Mountain. Saturday, I got my chance.

Not even close. In Iron Mountain, you hear the projectors whirring softly in the background and see slight variations in the picture (frame-to-frame brightness, mostly) during the film. It was ... OK. What we are all used to. It's sort of like the first time I saw a hockey game televised in HD. Wow! I have seen many hockey games on TV over the years--but nothing like that. Same thing here. The difference between the two theaters is like high def TV vs. standard definition, for both video and audio.

I had told my wife about the Rhinelander theater before. After seeing the film yesterday, I told her the next time we see a film, we're going to Rhinelander. She will be impressed. And it's only slightly farther away.

Anyway, after the movie, we went to a local sit-down type restaurant for dinner. I had an omelet, and my wife had haddock. We both got lemonades--but I drink a lot during dinners, and they didn't offer refills of the lemonades. So I asked the waitress for a glass of water, and she eventually came back with a six-ounce glass. I'm not a complainer, and I didn't say anything. But her tip was much closer to 10% than 15% or 20%.

From there, we went to visit an aunt of mine. My dad had three brothers and sisters. The two sisters are still alive--one is far away in downstate Michigan. The youngest one is in Kingsford, 82 now, and still pretty active. We wanted to show her pictures of the wedding. I put them on a tablet computer and we looked at them for a while. Then we sat and talked for a while. We hadn't visited that much since my mom died (September 2010), so we talked for quite a while, and we met her two little dogs and then she took us on a tour of her house.

She has a background in interior decorating and really has expanded and furnished the house--it's what she enjoys doing, and she is justifiably proud of what she has done. She also visits flea markets and auctions and picks up items that she cleans up/fixes up. We were suitably impressed and had a nice visit--for about two hours. We all looked for "the supermoon" as we were leaving--but it had clouded over already.

We left for home a little after 9. That means we got home a little after 10---too late for making lemon bars, so I made sure my wife got up early this morning, and she is making them now.

So while we didn't do a heck of a lot, we had a nice day, and my wife was happy. I like to take her out on trips and do different things with her--break her out of her routine at home--and she enjoys that. A busy day--we did a lot of different things, and we were both tired when we got home.

Today will be quiet. We finally are having a rainy day--the rain moved in during the night--so it sounds like a good day for resting and relaxing. And maybe a little reading.

****

Here is another piece of news from last week:

My wife has made her final decision: The bus tour vacation with me to Nashville is now officially off the calendar. Instead, she and two of her sisters will be making a bus tour to Door County in early August (the week before the planned Nashville trip). That's the weekend of the rodeo and a strongman competition I will have to cover, so I can't come along.

But I will drive her to Ladysmith (in NW Wisconsin, where the sisters live and the tour starts and ends) and pick her up afterwards. By a strange coincidence, the road to Ladysmith passes right through Rhinelander, where K lives. I am hoping I can take advantage of that.

My wife and I took a trip to Door County a few years ago, but we only went as far north as Sturgeon Bay. The most memorable part of the trip (to me) was touring the maritime museum there--since the 19th century, they have had several big shipbuilders in Sturgeon Bay, and there is still a major defense contractor in the area today. So that was a nice visit--the rest of the time, we were in the Green Bay area, shopping and looking around.

A very special day

At about 6 p.m. on a recent Saturday, the knot was officially tied. My son became a husband, and after more than 40 years, my wife and I finally had a daughter.

It took place at a suburban golf course on the outside rim of the Detroit metro area. On Friday, the day of the rehearsal, it rained, and the rehearsal took place inside. The forecast for Saturday said the rain would clear out overnight and the skies would clear, but temperatures were only to be in the low 50s, and a stiff breeze from the north was expected. Wind chill!

Fortunately, the stiff breeze blew off the wedding. An occasional puff but not very strong or very sustained. The sun was out, and the sky was clear. Bright, sunshiny day. ...



But I'm getting ahead of myself. Time for a flashback.

Nothing you'll see on Facebook

I haven't written for a while, have I? Well, so it goes. It seems hardly anybody is writing lately. Most of them are busy telling their life stories on Facebook. But I'm not a Facebook person.

To be clear: If I seen an online article I like, I will hit the Facebook icon and write my comment about it--what I liked about it or a excerpt that I particularly liked. But that's the extent of it. I would rather talk about my life as Dr. Dog. Or some other nom de plume that effectively conceals my identity. That may also be why I really haven't warmed up to Google+ yet.

But my inactivity here is for other reasons as well. Let me count the ways:

1. The big one--the really, really big one--is my son's wedding, which takes place next Saturday, April 21, in the Detroit area. We will be leaving Wednesday morning and returning late Sunday night. Remember, both of those are all-day drives, since it's over 500 miles between here to there. So we will be gone five days and four nights. We have someone (one of the gals in the office) coming in to feed the kitties and replenish their water.

My to-do list for the wedding is down to one item: cufflinks. I think I have some in a dresser drawer, but I didn't want to do the spelunking around in it the other night. My son told me about that last Sunday night when he last called.

Otherwise: Pictures to scan and e-mail down? Check. Measurements for my tux? Check. A check to help them pay costs? Check check. A new, larger suitcase (actually, a gen-you-wine travel bag, like you would use for air travel)? Check. Haircut? Check. Extra key for the lady who is feeding the kitties? Check. Motel rooms booked (for us and our younger son)? Check. Addresses entered into my car's nav system, to help us find our way in the big city? Check.

My wife predictably has been more chaotic about getting prepared, but she is nearly ready, too. The final item on her list was finding a pair of shoes. The pickings are pretty slim up here (where the only shoes are small departments in department stores), but we went to Iron Mountain Saturday and found a pair of brown shoes (which will go well with her mint green dress). Also, I assured her that we will be visiting an area with shopping malls and outlet malls, so finding specialty shoe shops should be no problem.

Nearly everything is in readiness up here. We leave at mid-morning Wednesday--a day earlier than I had expected because my son and I have to try on our tuxes Thursday, and, as I said, it's an all-day drive. Besides that, we will have plenty of free time in Detroit, to go shopping or see the sights.

Most likely, we will be enjoying the sumptuous accommodations at a local Knights Inn. Other motels may be nicer and have more amenities, but Knights Inn is relatively cheap, and for my wife, that sort of outweighs every other factor. At least they have wi-fi, so my laptop is coming along. My e-reader, of course.

2. My e-reader is getting plenty of use. I recently discovered the "Song of Ice and Fire" series by George R.R. Martin, and I am now officially "into" it. I've just started reading "Game of Thrones," and it's very interesting. But with all the other things I am doing, there really isn't a lot of time. So it's 15 minutes here, a half hour there, the way I usually read a book.

I know there's also the HBO series, but I am not watching it. Since I don't know the story yet, I want to read the book first and savor the uncertainty and plot turns. That's the way I am. I like surprises, and I get a better picture of each character as he/she is developed in the book. (I do wish the chapters were numbered, though.)

3. The Stanley Cup playoffs started Wednesday, and there are usually two televised games per night. So between 6 p.m. and midnight, I am watching the action on the ice. My favorite team, of course, is the Detroit Red Wings, and right now they are tied 1-1 with the Nashville Predators going into today's game. Nashville is a very good team, but Detroit outplayed them Friday night. It's going to be fun to see how it all plays out.

You know, it's sort of like me reading "Game of Thrones": All the excitement and drama and uncertainty of a good story. How is it going to end? Will the "good guys" prevail? What dramatic plot twists will turn things around? What's going to happen along the way? What awful mistake will send one team to glory and the other into despair? Who will be the hero?

Two of the games will be played while we are away on Detroit odyssey: one on Friday night (the night of the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner--I'll probably get to see the end of it) and one on Sunday afternoon (at least I'll be able to listen in the car as we make the 10-hour trip home).

4. My poly friends. I don't get to see them as often as I want to because of time and distance and work schedules. I got to visit N last week, for the first time this year. We had a nice, quiet visit. As usual, we watched several old TV shows and a dumb movie and talked for a while. She made an omelet for me in the morning.

I last saw K in late March--it was an overnighter at a motel. We had dinner, talked a lot, took some photos and enjoyed the motel's pool and hot tub. We did other things, too. It was a good night. A few weeks earlier, she and I went on a one-day trip to Wausau, where we did some shopping. Just a day trip--I picked her up about noon, and I dropped her off at her place about 9 p.m. and drove home. No playing around this time and just a little cuddling. We were simply a couple that day, spending time together, and it went very well. We both really enjoyed it. K and I have become very good friends. I would daresay I have just one closer friend than her. And that's the girl who rides with me to Detroit this week.

I continue to write with B and S, and I have a new penpal, too. May I introduce you to M. She is a widow, she is 67 (five years older than me), and she lives near Los Angeles. We write long letters, talking about this and that. There are no plans to meet, and I think it will stay that way.

5. This isn't taking much time now, but it could. My wife and I have been talking about taking some trips this year. The shorter one would be to Mackinac Island (near the Mackinac Bridge--but it's an island, silly!). We have been at the bridge and the nearby city (St. Ignace) many times, but neither of us have been to Mackinac Island. If we do that, it would be in June, a mini-vacation. Bring on the fudge!

Also, she wants to go with me on a bus tour to Nashville in early August. This would be another five-day, four night trip, so it's a major commitment of time and money. No final decision yet, but I have blocked off those days on my calendar. She wants me to go with her--I didn't go with her on the two bus tours to Branson, Mo., in recent years, because they took place during my busy season at work. Early August is not my busy season, and I told her that if she wants to go and wants me come along, I'm willing.

****

That's all for now. Just wanted to check in and say hi.

Everyone I have talked to about the wedding plans says the same thing: They want to see me in a tux. It should be good for a laugh. OK, OK, OK.

Republican for a day?

What to do!

It's primary day here in Michigan, where you can in either party's primary.

No Democrats have called me, but Romney, Santorum and their henchmen have been besieging my phone lines for weeks, disparaging the other candidate and begging for my vote.

Should I do it? Should I become a Republican for a day? With malicious/mischievous intent, should I vote for the candidate who will scare the bewillikers out of most reasonable people once they know more about him than his name?

It's a moral dilemma.

****

Meanwhile, a big, mean winter storm is licking its chops and bearing down on us. I've got to cover a basketball game on the other half of the county tonight, but the most recent guidance from the Weather Service says the storm isn't going to be baring its fangs around here, until after midnight.

The thing is, tomorrow I have a 7 a.m. meeting for a board I serve on. And since I'm the president, I've got to be there. At least it's in town. That's about the time the storm should be at its stormiest, dumping maybe 2 inches of snow per hour. Wow! Better take my snow shovel along!

We are expecting 8 to 12 inches by the time it's over. If it snows that much, the district basketball championship game I'm supposed to cover that night (60 miles away) should be postponed. Any reasonable person would make that call. But these are school administrators we are talking about, so let's assume nothing.

By the way, maybe we are in for another storm this Friday or Saturday. Fun. Of course, I'm covering a different high school championship game about 80 miles away Friday night. Between here and there, it's the loneliest stretch of two-lane road you have seen in your life. Mainly forests and swamps on either side. The biggest town along the way has a population under 1,000.

Yes, it's fun to live up here in God's Country.

Delayed celebration

My friend, K, and I have something we can't wait to celebrate.

But wait we must. We won't be able to see each other for a few more weeks.

This weekend marks the first anniversary of that fateful day I first wrote her on OKCupid. That's how we met. Things haven't been the same since.

In short, we quickly became very close friends. After trading e-mails for a month, we met in person for the first time in late March. We had lunch at Hardee's, then spent about 15 minutes in my car, where we talked part of the time and snuggled until she had to go to work. I behaved myself. Well, you shouldn't rush things.

Things moved on from there. I think our first night together was in late April. Like I said, you shouldn't rush things.

Since then, we enjoyed motel pools and hot tubs, hikes, dinners, drives, watching movies. Not as many nights as I would like, but enough of them. But no matter what we do, one fact is consistent: When we finally part, it's hard to let go. There never is enough time when we are together, and the time to say good-bye always comes too soon. Obviously, we fell in love with each other. We were both looking for a good poly partner, but it became more than that. Can't deny that.

Since I am a good poly person (I try to be; I really try hard.), my wife has known about K and I since before our first meeting. She has met her and her husband several times. The four of us most recently got together in early January, for a chili dinner at their place followed by games. The perfect dinner for a cold winter night.

So it's our anniversary. But we can't celebrate it. My job is very busy now, and it will be for two more weeks. No chance to get away. Her schedule at work is busy, too, and she often works an odd shift, starting two hours either side of noon. So she gets out too late for a visit. It's about a 70-minute drive from her place to mine.

Bottom line, it's been very hard for us to get together for the last several months. But my busy season will soon be over, and that's also when the cold and snow of winter starts fading away. We are really looking forward to summer and resuming all the fun things we did last year when it was warm out.

If you ever want to learn about polyamory, an excellent resource is the "Polyamory Weekly" podcast. Here is the website, and you can subscribe through iTunes.

Each Poly Weekly podcast starts with a stern warning for under-18 listeners: "This is an adult-oriented podcast about really lascivious things. Like communication. And honesty in relationships." Which brings me to another point.

My wife (who is not poly) has been hooked on "Days of Our Lives" for years, and it is usualy on TV when she and I have lunch together; my office is less than a block away, so I walk home. February has been a sweeps month, with a series of dramatic developments mostly involving relationships blowing up. Sort of like the call during a square dance: "Change partners!" As usual on "Days," there's a lot of cheating and lying and dishonesty and suspicion among couples whose weak relationships bear only the slightest resemblance to love. Many are more like political alliances. And nearly everyone on the show is as jealous as rabid dogs.

Look, I know why these soaps exist. My theory has always been that they makes viewers feel better about themselves: No matter how messed-up your personal life and relationships are, they can't possibly be as f***ed up as the rich but thoroughly miserable denizens of "Salem," who can't forgive, can't forget, can't be honest (even with themselves) and can't make all the skeletons in their closets magically disappear.

You never hear about polyamory on that show. No wonder. Imagine a world where couples allow each other to have other deep friendships, including sexual and emotional relationships. Imagine a world where love is allowed to grow wherever it wants--with the knowledge and consent of all parties. Where nobody gets jealous or fearful or threatened or runs around behind their partner's back.

If the concept of poly ever gets a real foothold in America, imagine all the economic upheaval that could mean: The soaps would lose most of their story lines. The entire country music industry would be in grave danger. The liquor industry would see a downturn in sales, and bars would be much less busy. Divorce lawyers and psychologists and counselors would have to devise major changes to their professions so they can keep their doors open.

Poly is definitely not for everybody. Society (and, yes, religion) hard-wires us to the serial monogamy/cheating monogamy tradition--for better or worse. It's hard to let go of jealousy and possessiveness. For some, it's impossible. I wrote a gal one time about poly, and she wrote back: "I am an only child. I never like to share."

So they go on the way their friends and parents and grandparents did, just as sad and miserable and frustrated as they were, making the same mistakes and never imagining that there is a path that can make their lives much happier.

Bouncing through February

Don't ever think that I don't enjoy writing for this blog, because I do. Even if I don't have a lot of time for it.

What's more, I'm egotistical enough to think that everyone on the planet wants to know all about the life of a sports writer in his early 60s who lives in a little tiny town far off in the woods and who lives a (mostly) quiet and (mostly) boring life.

But it's the only life I've got, so I've got to make the most of it.

Winter always gets me down. In January and February, it mostly involves endlessly bouncing basketballs and high school kids. Some of the teams are good (some are excellent), but to me it's a way to bridge the gap from Christmas to spring. Spring and summer: That's what I am looking forward to.

I would enjoy basketball more if I had the time to get to know the kids better, 'cause I like being around them. I enjoy their energy and unique perspectives on life. And I respect them, too. You're damn right I respect them.

(Whoops. Getting sidetracked there.)

But I'm looking forward to spring and summer. In April, of course, is my son's wedding. I found out recently that I will be wearing a tux for that, so I have to get measured for that. Isn't that going to be a sight? I keep thinking about "trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."

A week ago, we went to Iron Mountain so my wife could look for a dress--she went to a women's dress shop. I dropped her off there, then took my younger son for some of his shopping. Then my phone rang--she was ready for me. When I got to the shop, she showed me several dresses she had tried on. She really liked two of them, but she wanted to "think it over" for a while.

This is standard procedure for her--she has a hard time making up her mind when it comes to buying something. (Even though it often means that by the time she finally decides, the decision has been made for her--it's no longer available, even if she now wants it. I'm glad I can make decisions and not dither so much!)

So the wedding is coming up.

Then, this summer, one of my big events will be taking K to the neo-pagan poly camp in southwestern Wisconsin that I have attended several times. When I told K that it's clothing optional, she was even more interested than before. First, she likes to be nude. Second, she believes in poly. Third, for some inexplicable reason, she loves me and is eager to go camping with me this summer. We visited several forest campgrounds last summer, but just for hikes, not camping. K loves camping but hasn't been able to do that for many years. Now she has found a friend who also enjoys it: me.

To say we are both eagerly looking forward to this ... It's going to be amazing. The entire event is five days long. We will only be there for three days and two nights (including the four-hour trip there and the four-hour drive back home) because of our jobs, but you can bet we will make the most of the time we are there.

****

With Valentine's Day just past us, you may be wondering how a poly person handles it when he has both a wife and a very close girlfriend.

K and I agreed: Valentine's Day is strictly for our spouses. We may send each other a silly e-card or two, but that's all. (I'm driving over for a visit Thursday afternoon. I should be back home by 10:30 or so.)

Don't know what she did with her guy, but I got a couple cards for my wife. We'll go out to dinner to mark the day. (Delayed: I had a game on the 14th.) Last weekend, I took her to see "War Horse," which finally reached town. Just as many tears fell as when I saw it with K about two weeks ago. It was that kind of movie.

Here is one of the cards I got her: I thought it was especially good:

A guy and a gal are sitting on a couch, and there are little hearts all around. The guy says, "Y'know, I've always loved that thing you do--that one special skill only you seem to have ..."

(And then you open the card ... )

"I call it, 'the ability to put up with me.'

"Happy Valentine's Day"

****

Meanwhile, I have lost one of my other poly friends ... in a sense. S and I are still friends, but she is not in an open relationship any longer.

That isn't going to be easy to explain. Bear with me.

As you may remember, S lives in Oshkosh with her girlfriend, T. I met S at that poly camp in 2005, and we have been close friends ever since. But all along, her wish has been to add a third person to their relationship. Originally, this third person would have been another woman, to be with her and her husband.

That's how T entered the picture about two years ago--as a potential "third." S and T quickly became very close, but S's husband didn't care for her. In the end, S chose T and moved in with her. The marriage wasn't in good shape to begin with, and this led to an amicable parting of the ways.

Since then, S has been looking for a "third" to join her and T. I was never a candidate, and I never sought to be: We all know that I live too far away, have deep roots up here and wasn't going to leave my wife.

Recently, S passed along some big news: They have found their "third." He is a man who lives about an hour away. They got to know him, IM'd, texted, e-mailed, finally met, and both S and T agreed this is the person they were looking for. He moved in with them recently.

They are going to be a "closed" triad, which means I will still be close friends with S but no more than that. In other words, no more sex.

They think he will find a job in the Oshkosh area, which will be something very different for them. They will have someone who can bring in a regular paycheck. S and T have been verging on poverty so long that I help them from time to time, especially at Christmas. That's what you do for a friend. That's what I do, at least, and I don't worry whether I am being taken advantage of. I don't have a lot of money, but it's a lot more than they do, and I believe in helping the people I love.

This is very happy news for them. And for me. It means my friends will have someone there to take care of them and look after their happiness. Economically, they should be much better off. And I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to help them any longer. Suddenly, that day seems a lot closer.

A special dinner

My wife and I are quiet people. We don't socialize much. We are usually home by ourselves at night (unless I am on the road somewhere--in winter, it probably involves bouncing basketballs). At times we go to a movie. Not that often. We don't go to bars or clubs--neither of us drinks.

Recently, though, we had a special event. We visited a couple who lives about 60 miles away. Yes, we visited K and her husband.

We wanted to visit them over the holidays, but, with our jobs, it was hard to find a night when the four of us could get together for a relaxing night. When we finally selected a day, it coincided with a snowstorm. Wouldn't you know it!

So we chose another day one week later. This time Mother Nature cooperated. While there was snow, falling temperatures and wind, it wasn't as windy or snowy as the week before. Everything was "go." And we went. A little shopping--can't let our cat food stockpile get too low--and then we pulled up at their place.

In case you lost track: I am polyamorous. My wife is not. Both K and her husband are. So what wild and exotic things did we do together?

An SFX look at 2011

As promised, here are photos of some of my adventures from 2011 that I never got to show you before.

But plain old photos wouldn't be much fun. Not when I can jazz them up a bit with some creative editing. It's special effects time!

I have 12 pictures here. Ideally, there would be one from each month of the year. But events aren't evenly spaced like that, and as a result the photos here are heavily tilted toward last summer's adventures.

Not this one, though. Turn the hands of time back to last April ...



That's when we drove down to Detroit to visit my son and his girlfriend at their place; he had moved to this apartment in early 2010, and we didn't go down there that year. In spring 2011, we did. We saw that they were happy together, and that his cat and her dog were getting along ... well enough. Last summer, they officially became engaged, and the wedding is planned for April.

(By the way, they are laughing about something on her cell phone. Seems they have cell phones surgically attached to their hands.)

Here is a sad story ...



As you can easily see, these are robin eggs, reflected in a hand mirror. I was standing on a chair on my porch, holding the mirror in one hand and my camera in the other. Looks just like nature, don't you think?

A taste of winter--yuck!

Just a quickie note today. My wife and I had planned to drive down to visit K and her guy later today, but a winter storm forced us to reconsider and reschedule. We'll try again next Tuesday, K's next day off work.

We're getting just light snow right now, but it's supposed to get more intense tonight, with heavy snow and winds out of the north. There's no sense trying to pick a fight with Mother Nature. Next Tuesday is supposed to be cold but otherwise quiet, so I'll take it.

This is the first real taste of winter for us in a few weeks. Temperatures have been mild, and snow scarce. Even yesterday, we had highs in the low 40s and just an inch or two of snow in the yard.

In the next couple days, I plan to post some photos from 2011--different shots I haven't posted for events I never wrote about. Still to come, when/if I get the time. The photos are a teaser.

But lack of time remains my enemy when I want to write posts. Can't get around it--too much other stuff to do. I needed several nights to go through my 2011 photos and choose (somewhat arbitrarily) which ones would be most interesting ... and then deciding which special effects to use on them.

Yes, this time, I am digging into the Phototshop Elements toolbox to see what I can find. Also, since I recently started using Google Chrome as my browser, I am looking at some of the online photo editing programs and the special effects they offer. It's fun playing around with them.

My smartphone has some goofy editing software (built-in light leaks, film scratches, cheapo lens effects), but I think they only edit photos you take with your phone. That's something I don't do too often: That's why I spent the money for quality cameras.

Several times, when I wanted to work on photos, I opted to watch movies with my wife instead ... because she enjoys doing that with me. Earlier this week, we watched "The King's Speech." A fine movie, but by the time it was over, I was tired and didn't feel like working on photos.

Last night, I got my chance, and I edited seven photos. I have four left to do--but then I went downstairs to watch the end of "Seabiscuit" with my wife. We followed that with a couple Laurel and Hardy shorts. Then it was time to feed the kitties and head upstairs.

Four photos left. But maybe not tonight. Since we couldn't visit K today, she wants to have an online chat with me tonight. Also, there's the third test match (cricket, if you don't know) between India and Australia, which starts at 8:30 p.m. tonight (local time), live from Perth.

I had been having problems lately with my computer, not being able to buffer streaming video from YouTube. Yesterday, I got a different cable modem (same model), and it seemed to work just fine. I'll find out for sure tonight. High def cricket from Western Australia, right into my computer room. Until I start getting sleepy.

Planning ahead in 2012

While I wrote here about things I did in 2011, there is also an untold saga: Things I did but never wrote about, at least in a blog post.

Why? Various reasons. Time, mostly. Time is often in short supply for me, and my priorities are always subjective and subject to change. At some point I decide between this and that, and in 2011 they usually went against writing down the adventure. Right away, at least. I often opted to save it for later, when I have more time. Ha!

Inevitably, details of the story start fading from memory. But when I go places, I still usually bring a camera along, and the images can bring those memories back. Good. Bad. Funny.

Before long, I plan to select a number of images from 2011 and sort of doctor them up with special effects from photo editing software--including several online editing services. (Yes, that's something you can do, too.)

That's still to come, once I find the time to dig through those archives and decide which ones would make the best stories. Would you believe that my wife and I stayed at a Radisson Hotel last summer? That was part of our big adventure, and it's absolutely true.

I'll tell you the story of our "Night at the Radisson" later on. When I get time.

****

As for 2012 ... I am keeping my expectations very low, especially on national affairs. Such as the election. I hate to be a cynic, but the lunatics are running the asylum right now. I'm talking about you, Congress. Hardly anybody wants to compromise or give an inch. Not even a hundredth of an inch.

And thus we are where we are today. They're beyond hope. Vote the rascals out.

As for my own life:

The big event of 2012 will be in April, when my son gets married. A very big day. We will be in the Detroit area for the better part of a week. The ceremony takes place in the late afternoon at a suburban golf course--they also do weddings there.

At some point, my wife will be getting a dress, and we will do some spelunking in the attic to find some photos of my son from over the years. Then they will go into the scanner, and the images get e-mailed down to them for the wedding reception entertainment.

That's our big highlight. Beyond that, my wife and I will take a trip or two together, or maybe we will go on a bus tour. She is very eager to do that with me. I'm OK with it as long as it takes place when I can get away from work without leaving the office high and dry. Our staff is very small.

I'll take my younger son on some trips, too. (He doesn't drive, you know.) We didn't do a lot of that in 2011--some, not a lot. It was hard to find time, but I owe it to him. At least now I've got a good car, so I don't have to worry about that any more.

I want to visit my friends S and T several times and visit K fairly often. Of course, K only lives about an hour away, so it's much easier to visit her. K works all summer, but we'll find ways to get together and spend happy days. And nights. We may try camping for the first time--there are enough national forests in the area. I think K would be willing to try it.

I may lose another friend, N. Due to a complex family situation (centering on a 29-year-old high functioning Down Syndrome man who is now an orphan), she may be moving to Illinois some time this year. I visited N in early December, and it's very much on her mind.

Also, I want to cut back on work, especially during weekdays in summer. Frankly, there isn't a lot to do in summer outside of weekends, so on those weekdays I can go places with my wife or son or my other friends.

Here is something from 2011 that I haven't told you about: Last fall, I took a voluntary pay cut at work. The paper is struggling due to the bad economy, and I made the offer to help them out. I am still full-time, but making about 75% of what I did before. Not that I was making a lot--but advertising is down, and that's what pays the bills at a newspaper. Making matters worse is that our owner died about two years ago, the paper was later sold, and the new owners are very profit-oriented.

What's going to happen? None of us can see that. It's like a foggy day, and we can only see a half mile or quarter mile down the road. I'll try to be ready. What's that they say? That 10% of life is what happens to you, and the other 90% is how you react to it?

I'm somewhat conceited, yes, but not so much that I think I can control what's going to happen. No way. I just hope and pray I'll be ready and can react the right way.