The game of the name

Obsessions come in many forms, in many guises. Lately, a few sports topics have been getting a lot of my attention. And since I haven't written about sports for long time (outside of the stuff I cover as part of my job), I'll fill you in.

Topic 1: The first one, getting just a little attention, is the Ashes series now under way in Australia. That's the storied rivalry between the England and Australia cricket teams. England "won back the Ashes" (won their series of test matches against Australia) in the summer of 2005 in England.

But this series is in Australia (the summer of '06-07), and things aren't going nearly as well for them. Australia won the first two test matches and only has to win one of the remaining three matches to "win back the Ashes." (Remember that a draw--where neither team wins a match--is common in cricket.)

The U.S. population just topped 300 million. Among all those who aren't of foreign birth, only about 14 know (or care) anything about cricket. I am one of them. So I won't take your time trying to explain why it's called "the Ashes" or why draws are possible or why England and Australia have been battling ferociously for a teeny, tiny trophy (that you can hold between your thumb and forefinger) since the late 19th century.

But I will tell you that Squilla--yes, our own Squilla here on efx2--made a bet with Fundy over last year's Ashes series, while she was living in Australia and Fundy was in England. They each bet on their own country.

But Fate (with a capital F) intervened. Squilla moved (physically) from Australia to England (and Fundy) as the Ashes series was being played, and for some reason Fundy seemed to lose track of their bet. They were so taken with each other, you know. (Everybody say "Awwwwwwww!" It's that kind of sweet story.)

I don't know if they made another Ashes bet. From what I can see on her page, they have an Ashes series being played on the pool table, and Fundy seems to have a commanding lead. He's heading for a nine-wicket win. (Won't explain that, either. It's a big win.)

Topic 2: My fantasy football team. It's called the Howlin' Wolfs, after that great blues singer who influenced so many rockers during the '50s and '60s. (The Rolling Stones got Howlin' Wolf his only TV appearance in 1965.)

These Wolfs of mine are howlin', too. Last Sunday, they finished their regular season with a 13-0 record. Perfection. You don't see that too often. My team is highlighted by LaDainian Tomlinson of the San Diego Chargers, who is having a monster year, and the Chicago Bears defense, which has been as good as their offense has been bad lately.

The fantasy regular season is over, and the playoffs start this weekend. Three more games, in an elimination format. Will the Wolfs finish the job? I hope so. I won a little money for finishing in first place, and the post-season title is worth another prize. Just in time for Christmas. (In fact, just in time for New Year's.)

It's my third year in the league. The first year, I did so bad that I renamed my team the Bunny Rabbits halfway through the season--complete with wiggling noses and floppy gray ears on their pink helmets. That was cruel, but they were bad. My second year attention got diverted after my mom got hurt--most of my free time was spent with her, and the team was badly neglected. But the third year apparently is the charm.

Topic 3: My baseball game. This is fantasy, too, but it's more imaginary. It's a computer game, where teams (that live only on my hard drive) form and evolve over time. I've been deeply into that lately and just completed the second year of the league's history.

The players are all imaginary with computer-given names, and I renamed the teams on the major league level for U.P. cities and (mostly) critters you see in the Northwoods. For instance, my team is the Iron River Ravens. Their big rival is the Crystal Falls Crows. And there are Wolves and Moose and Whitetails and Cougars and Coyotes and so forth.

There are minor leagues, too, and I mostly used the randomly given computer names for them. Not all of them. I have one minor league based in Canada, and I tried to come up with some especially good names for a few of them (keeping in mind that I love puns). The town that I visited 52 weeks ago today is called Clifford. They're in the league as the Clifford Big Red Dogs. But the Canadian name I'm proudest of is the Regina Monologues.

The Ravens were cellar-dwellers in their first year. They rallied to just slightly above .500 in year two, but they didn't hit for power, and their bullpen was bad. A leaky pen, you might say--wins kept leaking away. I'm hoping for improvement in their third year, but they seem to have traded away one of their top hitters, and their closer (who was pretty good) retired. So lots of uncertainties cloud the Ravens' future as we enter year three.

But you can help me with the league's future. Yes you can!

You can help me by coming up with some funny/bizarre new team names. The only condition is that they must be real cities (not necessarily big cities) in the U.S. or Canada. OK, we can fit England in, too. And Australia, if some of you live there. The team nickname is up to you and your fertile imagination. Risque names are especially encouraged.

I know many of you have great creativity. So exercise your wit and give me some suggestions.

Hey, if I get enough good names, maybe I'll rename one of the minor leagues as the Efx2 Baseball League. A league season, playoffs and everything! Now how cool would that be?