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1. I find it fascinating that you are obviously happily and long time married and yet believe in polyamorous relationships - can you explain a bit about this and how you reconcile the apparent paradox?
2. You are a wonderful photographer - how did you learn about photography and what's your favourite sort of shots?
3. What is your proudest achievement and why are you proud of it?
4. What are you hoping to achieve in the next year or so?
5. You once said you hadn't travelled far - where would you like to travel if you could?
But since I'm the contrary cuss that I am, I shall answer them in "mission control" mode ... 5-4-3-2-1-blastoff. So here we go ...
5. You once said you hadn't travelled far - where would you like to travel if you could?
To elaborate on how poorly-traveled I am: I have been as far south as Chicago, as far west as the Twin Cities (Minneapolis-St. Paul), as far north as Wawa, Ont., and as far east as Harriston, Ont. In my life I have been in exactly two countries: one (count 'em) province and seven different states (including Iowa and Indiana, which were only brief visits). Never have been in a commercial airliner. (Did ride in a small airplane once, though.)
Like my mom, I wanted to travel many places. Like my mom, due to time, money and commitments, I haven't. I don't have much of the first two and oodles of the last. That sort of limits your globe-trotting.
But someday ... I want to see a real mountain. I want to see a real ocean. I'd love to visit England. I'd love to see a real castle and other buildings over 200 years old. I want to see Australia. I'd like to visit California someday. I'd like to go to Burning Man. I'd like to go to Starwood. (S was there two years ago and told me a lot about it.) And I'd love to see a wild herd of bison. The only ones I've seen lately are on farms or selling telecom service on Winnipeg TV commercials.
4. What are you hoping to achieve in the next year or so?
My ambitions in the next year or so are these:
--Cleaning up my mom's house so it can be sold. Priority #1! Haven't had much time in there yet due to work and work and more work. But the real opportunities haven't started yet, either. It's costing me money--I'm paying all the bills now in addition to my own, so the sooner I/we get it done the better.
--Getting away from it all! For a while, at least!
--Seeing S again. If only for an hour or two. It's just been so long!
--Writing some highly creative and interesting blog entries. I think my last really creative/interesting and funny one was back when we were waiting for a pizza and I was looking at a stupid kids crossword puzzle. That's a while back.
--Having a certain sexual experience that many women like to do for their men because it makes them feel wonderful. To all you ladies who enjoy pleasing your men this way (I know because you've said so yourself) ... your guys are very lucky. Not every man is so fortunate.
--Getting some great, creative shots with my new camera. Interesting critters. Interesting people. Interesting birds. Interesting natural scenes.
You have to understand, a lot of stuff I have to do for work is rather repetitive, and I always crave new experiences and a break from the same-old same-old. To do that ... I have to get out and about more. Here and there. Seeing what I can see. In short, living life.
3. What is your proudest achievement and why are you proud of it?
Achievements come and go. I've won some awards for my writing and photography. For that, I received pieces of paper. Transitory stuff. Awards don't impress me.
Somehow, though, despite the lack of money and me working crazy schedules, I managed to raise two good kids, one who has the added burden of autism but is living on his own anyway.
Neither has ever gotten into trouble, even when they were teens. The older one (who lives near Detroit) is too shy for his own good (inherited it from his folks) but is working on that, did very well at college and is doing well at his job. I just wish he'd find himself a good girl. That's one reason he wants to move to Chicago--he's been there and enjoyed the social scene there.
The younger one wants to move to a larger city where (he thinks) more things are happening and life is more exciting. But he still likes living near mom and dad. He came over Sunday and spent the day with us.
2. You are a wonderful photographer - how did you learn about photography and what's your favourite sort of shots?
How did I learn photography? Like the camera, I just picked it up. I never went to any schools to learn ... but I have always studied good pictures and read what the photographer did to get that shot--I found that interesting. Years ago, I bought a Time-Life Photography series, and I got into that. I'm not the kind who constantly changes settings and checks out light meters. Never learned that, don't care for it.
What I look for are different angles and perspectives on otherwise familiar scenes. Different ways to look at things. Close-ups and wide shots. Unusual angles. Odd perspectives.
My favorite type of photos are the nature ones. A beautiful or interesting sky/clouds. Critters and birds in general, especially the ones I don't see too often. Pretty girls, of course, but also interesting people in all their varieties. It's sort of journalism and reality TV and stuff.
When I put photos in my blog, it's just part of my reality that I'm trying to share with you. You see, I think it's a beautiful world out there (wherever I happen to be), and I think a lot of us really don't realize how beautiful it is.
1. I find it fascinating that you are obviously happily and long time married and yet believe in polyamorous relationships - can you explain a bit about this and how you reconcile the apparent paradox?
Easy, short questions, eh? I suppose I should first tell you about my wife and I and how we live.
My wife and I got married when I was 21 and she was 20. Now I'm 57 and she's 56. That's a lot of time together. Lots of nights. Lots of trips to the store. We are many things to each other. Friends. Lovers. Companions. Confidants. Leaning posts. Auxiliary brains.
We rarely fight or have disagreements--we know each other fairly well. We're both easy-going, fairly shy, modest, cautious people. Never have had to go through a 12-step program. (That doesn't make us any better; it just makes us who we are.) We are both pretty tolerant and non-judgmental. We both have peaceful philosophies about life. We strive to get along with each other and forgive each other's faults because, frankly, we're all we've got, and we can make things easy for each other ... or not.
We are each other's best friend. We both feel secure with each other. You will often find us on the couch at the end of the day, holding hands or her head on my shoulder, trying to hold off the sleepies for another hour. When we have a treat, like cookies or pizza or tacos or toast in the morning, we invariably split up the last of it, handing it back and forth. At a fast food place, it's "We can be friends" and share a large soda.
So, yeah, we have a lot of love for each other, and we want each other to feel happy and fulfilled, however each of us defines happiness and fulfillment. We both know many people who are unhappy or who feel unfulfilled in their relationships and others who have never really found someone they are happy with. With us, we resolved to be each other's best friend and, good times or bad, stick together. It hasn't always been easy. But we've managed.
As for polyamory ... others define it as "responsible non-monogamy." If you see my link to the Liberated Christians website, that's where I got that term. It's "responsible" because (A) the other partner knows about it--it's not a secret--and (B) you are still supporting the other partner in every way possible. It does not take away from your life with him/her while at the same time adding to yours through the third person.
Just like love: Can you love two people at once? Of course you can. If you get married and later have a child, the love you feel for the baby doesn't mean you love your husband/wife any less. Then, if you have a second or third child, it doesn't mean you love the first child any less. Love is infinite. You can not run out of love. Love is not like finite things (time, money, attention, patience) that you can and do run out of.
Jealousy is not an issue. If my wife was inclined to be jealous of something, she would be very jealous of my work, which can take up much of my "free" time. Then there's this blog, TV sports, photography and other things I get involved with and spend time on.
The fact is, I am not her possession or a commodity. She does not own me. Nor do I own her. A successful relationship does not work that way. We are together because we want to be. We are quite willing to share with others. We aren't afraid to let each other go. We know that, at the end, we will be back together, so we can accept being separated for a while.
Are you surprised that someone in a happy relationship gets involved in polyamory? Actually, that's the key. You need two people who are happy and who know what love really is and who want to give each other the freedom to spread this kind of happiness any want they can.
Two basic ideas here:
1. IMHO, the present concept of marriage does not work. Not today. Sorry. People supposedly get married "till death do us part," and that is a joke. Divorces happen for many reasons. I'm not saying that is wrong. What it does mean is that more than half of all marriages today aren't ending by death. So if you are going to hold tight to the religious/traditional concept of marriage as regards monogamy ...
Just in the office this morning, one woman was talking about problems she is having with her ex about a number of post-divorce property issues ... and another was talking about the same kind of problems involving her daughter. We only have about 10 people in the office.
2. Sex is fun. Honest! This is not a radical idea to most of you, but much of society (especially here in the States) is highly puritanical. Why is that? Sex is one of the most important aspects of an adult's life and sense of satisfaction with life. But do you ever read about it in the paper? Do you get advice about it on TV? No, because the "religious" forces would scream holy hell about it.
Yeah, good old organized religion, again, intimidating through fear and guilt and shame, with prissy, unrealistic attitudes about sex. My breakthrough came two years ago when I re-read Robert Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land," with its vision of what life could be like for those brave enough to live it. I turned a corner and haven't turned back.
I still live by a strict moral code. But that code is different from most people's, and this is the major difference. Sex and our sexuality was given to us as a gift by our Creator. It is the only way to propagate our species (outside of a science lab). It provides comfort and satisfaction and a good night's sleep. It makes us happy. And I feel it's a gift friends should be able to give each other responsibly, honestly, openly and without shame--whether they are "married" or not.
There's a lot more I could write, but it would be poor knock-offs of what other sites say. As for religious aspects of the issue, go to the Liberated Christians website, where they are discussed extensively.
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OK, I'm done. Is anyone still reading? Aren't you glad this wasn't 20 questions?
If you are still here, then you know that I have to insert some lines here. Here we go. Quote:
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me” if you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your weblog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Yes, I get to interview you (if you want). Anybody game? It could be fun. Nobody says you have to write long answers.
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