'Scientists around this area confessed that they were perplexed and dumbfounded by a mysterious apparition that suddenly appeared in the skies above Iron River Friday morning.
'This apparition appeared in the southeast sky in the morning, traveling slowly to the south sky and the southwest in the afternoon.
It was intensely bright, too bright to even look at, blinding local residents who had been used to days and weeks of dark gray skies. It also seemed to radiate heat, as the air seemed warmer than it had for weeks.
'Prof. Bruno Lockjaw of the Western U.P. Research Labs revealed that the strange object had actually been in the sky all along, only we hadn't been able to see it because of dense layers of clouds.
'"In fact, this object, which is known as 'the sun,' is the source of all warmth and energy in the universe. Without it, crops wouldn't grow, flowers wouldn't bloom and young girls wouldn't be able to take off most of their clothes outdoors.
'"Without it, we would only have night baseball. Without it, we couldn't go to the park and just hang out. Without it, we wouldn't be forced to wake up in the morning."
'Prof. Lockjaw went on to say that this apparition may be seen at predictable times every day, so long as the clouds are not in the way, and that its regular visits could greatly improve the mood of local residents.'
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