U.S. Department of Paranoia rides again

Recent news reports have revealed that the super secret National Security Agency has been collecting phone records of tens of millions of Americans. USA Today has reported that a huge database has been built with the help of three major U.S. phone companies.

This is being done to protect the U.S. against terrorist attacks. They are analyzing calling patters to detect and track suspected terrorist activity.

And so on and so forth. America in 2006. ::shakes head::

Folks, this is the era of the Department of Paranoia. And I know this: When the police state comes to town, I likely will be one of the first people rounded up. Because I'm such a dangerous person whom they fear. That's because (like many of you) I think for myself and don't follow the company line. And I love the U.S. Constitution and the freedoms that my country supposedly gives me. (The Constitution is still in effect, isn't it?)

So the NSA is busy analyzing my phone calls--trying to unravel my highly effective and extremely sophisticated method of coding messages. Here is an example of a recent phone call:

"Ellohay?"
"Ihay. It'sway emay."
"Ihay, emay."
"Owhay ouyay oingday?"
"Ohway, I'mway oingday ohway-aykay."
"Areway ouyay onnagay eednay anythingway atway ethay orestay?"
"On'tday owknay. Aven'thay ecidedday at'swhay orfay uppersay.
Ouyay otgay anyway ideasway?"
"Ummway, ellway, eway aven'thay adhay acostay orfay away ilewhay."
"Eahyay, utbay ettucelay isway ootay expensiveway ightray ownay."
"Ouyay otgay enoughway eadbray?"
"Eahyay, e'reway oodgay onway othbay eadbray andway ilkmay."
"Owhay aboutway oundgray eefbay?"
"E'reway inefay. Owhay aboutway aghettispay andway eatballsmay?"
"Eahyay, eway aven'thay adhay atthay orfay away ilewhay. Ohway-aykay, I'llway ebay ackbay omehay inway aboutway entytway inutesmay."
"Ohway-aykay, eesay ouyay oonsay."
"Yebay."
"Yebay."

The NSA's spooks will be puzzling over messages like that one for months. If, like me, you want to make the NSA's life a living hell, go over to this site and have a little fun.

After all, if they're bugging your phone lines, they're certainly reading all your e-mails and blog entries. Hi, guys!