This post has been in the hopper for weeks, long enough for some of the concerns to resolve themselves and new ones to crop up.
Item 1: File under “resolved.” My wife wanted to take another bus tour, like her journey to Branson, Mo., early last fall. This time, she wanted to go to Nashville in mid-April. And she wanted me to come along.
I wasn’t so sure. I can take or leave country music. I like the old-timey stuff, with fiddles and steel guitars. “Modern country” doesn’t do it for me, especially when the entire string section gets in on the act. Fiddles are cool for country music. Violins aren’t. Besides that, it’s also the first week of the NHL playoffs. Maybe you know how I look forward to that.
I never had to decide. In the end, she decided “not this year.” That’s because of …
Item 2: My mom’s health is becoming a concern to the nursing home staff. During a recent visit, the head nurse asked me about “what-if” decisions if they can’t contact me. Should they (the nursing home) take her to the hospital in Iron Mountain (about five miles away) or keep her in her room, as comfortable and pain-free as they can? Because they can see her health is failing.
So can I, of course, especially since she broke her elbow last fall. She has worsened a lot since then. I have kept my thoughts to myself (outside of my wife, of course–and she agrees with my assessment). My mom has been at the nursing home for4 1/2 years now. If she makes it to late May, she will turn 88.
She surprised them by surviving her fall, and she is tough. But she is very frail now. She has been sleeping a lot, and it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to figure that one day she simply isn’t going to wake up.
But during our most recent visits, she seems more alert. It’s still very difficult to understand what she’s saying. But her mind still seems strong.
Item 3: I still have never taken that first ride in a jet. I thought I would do that this year. Now I’m not so sure. One reason is my mom. There’s another reason, too.
In mid December, I wrote to a friend of mine–we’re just friends with a common interest–and told her maybe this year I will finally fly out to California. I didn’t get a positive response. I got no response at all. We’re still friends, still talk online, but she has never mentioned that. Guessing and trying to read between the lines, I’m wondering if she and her former boyfriend are back together. If so, fine.
Meanwhile, my first flight will be … who knows?
Item 4: I just don’t know where I stand with B. We are friends, and we still write each other several times a week. We spent a couple days together last July, and I thought that went very well. But it’s nine months later; we haven’t seen each other since, and there are no plans.
I was B’s first polyamorous partner last summer, and she seems to have taken to it like a duck to water. She now has a friend in western Canada and one near Philadelphia. She has been with the Canadian guy twice, and her first visit with the guy near Philly was last week. (She had a medical appointment in Philly and took advantage of the opportunity.)
But as for her and I, right now we are just close friends who write e-mails. The e-mails are G-rated, mostly about what we’re doing. They were more naughty last year–if I showed you a typical e-mail from last year and an e-mail from recently, it’s easy to tell which is which.
Complicating factors: I don’t get many chances to travel because of my work demands, and her busy season at work is in June and July–no vacations or days off allowed during those months. We met last year because her work holidays during the Fourth of July weekend worked out right. This year, they didn’t. Such is fate.
I miss her. I enjoyed our time together last year. But it takes two to make a date. Will we ever meet again? I just don’t know. You know that it hurts. But, again, she is a good friend, and it seems like genuine friendship to me. So maybe I just have to try harder to be patient and accept the fact that our paths won’t be crossing again, at least for the foreseeable future.
Item 5: All of a sudden, another friend, S, is at a major crisis in her marriage. My wife and I have visited her and her husband several times in recent years, and they seemed to be getting along well. They have been married about 20 years.
But S is bisexual, and for some time she has wanted to add a second woman to her relationship. She recently met a woman that she gets along with very well–she’s bi and poly, just like her. But her husband is having major problems with it–he is very Christian, not a bit poly, and he and this other woman don’t get along. Unfortunately he has taken a hard stand: her or me. S has also taken a hard stand, and it isn’t looking good. She tells me things are very tense in their house now. They are both headstrong people, and that doesn’t help, either.
I tried to get her to cool off and think things through before making big decisions. I said pointedly that her husband and I are friends, too. I also said I would rather have them stay together than she and I resume our own relationship (which certainly becomes possible if they split). All the same, she is looking for an apartment for herself and her friend, and that’s how things stand now.
I’m an easy-going guy, and I think people should try to get along and not make trouble for themselves. But that’s just my philosophy, and I can’t live others’ lives for them. All anyone can do is shake my head sadly when people throw away happiness.
Item 6: I will be visiting my other friend, N, this week. The only question here is: What is she going to make for supper before we fire up the DVD player? We have a movie night together about once a month.
If you remember, N is a widow who is three years older than me, and she lives about 100 miles away with her rescue dogs. Quite independent. She enjoys making me dinner, and then we watch a movie or two. The next morning, I’m driving home, and normal life resumes for both of us.
****
We got back Saturday evening from our first mini-vacation in a while. My wife, my son and I went to the Green Bay area on Friday. The main reason was a big quilt show in Green Bay. This time, my son wanted to come along so he could hit some of his favorite stores and buy stuff. My role essentially was that of chauffeur.
It seems to have been a big success: My wife was very happy about the quilt show–she thought they did a really good job with exhibitors and vendors. She and I were able to stay in touch because she brought along her TracFone–when she was done at the quilt show, she called me.
As she studied the quilts and booths, my son and I made the rounds. We visited Best Buy, Target, a video exchange place and then the Green Bay Packers pro shop at Lambeau Field. He wasn’t shy about buying things, either. The phone rang while we were at the pro shop.
(I never entered the high school gym where the quilt show took place, so no quilt photos this time.)
As for myself, I invested in a CD by Bob Dylan and The Band. That’s all. I nearly bought a book about Adobe Photoshop Elements 8 when we visited the Barnes & Noble bookstore, but I finally left it behind. I have a book about PE4, which I was using on my old computer–I had PE8 included when I ordered the new one.
My highlight was bumping into Nick, our Olympian, at Best Buy. I had talked to him (on the phone) a few days earlier, and he said he would be in Green Bay, but bumping into him was just dumb luck. (We are arranging an interview about his experiences in Vancouver, now that he is back home.) He was in a rush, so we just talked just briefly–unfortunately, we saw each other a minute or two after my son and I separated after entering the store–he didn’t see Nick, who graduated from high school one year after him.
Talking about Best Buy … did you know there is also a Best Buy in the Iron Mountain area? It’s true–right on the highway, across the river from Michigan. Yellow and black sign and everything!
You don’t believe me? Suit yourself, but you can’t argue with pictures …
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