As you may have guessed, this last week was pretty demanding in several ways. For me, most of all, it was exhausting. It wore me down. I tried to have the sense not to let myself get overly tired. I have been going to bed earlier than normal lately and putting non-work-related writing to the side. I hope it works. (The thing is, though, I enjoy writing. It's therapeutic.)
Otherwise, it's been busy. I'll try not to bore you with too many details (I'm sure many of you have had to to this, too) ... but feel free to skip down to the four asterisks (****) after which there is a little news. Update stuff.
We found out about my mom's death when we got back from our Labor Day trip to the in-laws; I wrote the post about it late that night.
On Tuesday, we went to the funeral home to make arrangements for the service. It wasn't too demanding, because we had done a lot of that work back in 2006--decisions on the casket, vault, site of the service, etc. That's also when we paid for the funeral, and, as it turned out, that decision saved us over $1,500; the various costs, especially the funeral home's, have gone up that much in the 4+ years since. If only my actual investments had done so well!
But we still had to agree on the times for visitation, the service, luncheon and burial. Since the cemetery is about 20 miles out of town, we scheduled that last. We had to select the music and the bible verses, too. But my mom and I had talked about that back in 2006, and I still had my notes. About the only "big" decision to be made was the cover of the memorial bulletin. We agreed on a garden/woods scene, with an open gate ... as if she had walked down that path ahead of us.
Then we went to the nursing home to pick up a few of her possessions--mainly the TV, which my wife had her eye on to replace the one we had in the dining room.
From the nursing home, we visited the pastor at the church, and finally we went over to J.C. Penney for some serious shopping: I got a black suit jacket, black pants and a new tie.
After that, we went home, and, of all things, I covered a volleyball match that night. As noted before, our paper has a very tiny staff, and nobody else does sports (or knows much about them). The match was a five-set thriller--I got the story and took action pictures. Our team also had a home match on Thursday ... but since I covered the Tuesday match, I could kiss off the match held the same day as the funeral.
Wednesday, I was back at the office and worked for much of the day. That included making some calls I needed to make--to the place that sent Mom her monthly pension check (my dad worked for the steelworkers union), two insurance companies and the county Medicaid office. (The funeral home said they contact Social Security themselves.)
While I was at work, my wife did some cleanup work at out house and got the spare bedroom ready--my older son and his girlfriend arrived that evening. We had pizza pasties for supper. Yum! Quiet evening, and we all went to bed early; the next day was going to be demanding, and we had to be on the road by 8:30.
Thursday, the visitation began at 10 a.m., and the service was at 11. It was a small service, held at the funeral home. We had about 20-25 people for the visitation and service--she had outlived most of her friends her age. We saw two members of her writers' group, three of my cousins from my mom's side of the family (two from the Twin Cities, one from Chicago), one cousin from my dad's side, my dad's sister, my dad's brother and sister-in-law (all from the local area) and two people from our office.
I spoke briefly--off the cuff, based mainly on the things I wrote in that blog post. The pastor spoke. Then it was over. We said our good-byes to mom--they closed the casket after that. From there, we went to the church for a luncheon, and then we went to the cemetery. And then it was all over, and we drove home.
We all were mentally/emotionally worn out. My wife and I went upstairs and soon were asleep. My son and the girlfriend arrived a little later and also took a nap. Later, we went out together for a nice dinner in town, and then we watched "Mystery Men." Not a night for any serious movie. Everyone liked it ... and went to bed early.
Friday, I was at work all day, and I covered a football game that night. I hardly saw the kids all day--they did this and that. I heard they went for a nature walk and watched a movie at home. Really, though, it was "Hello, good-bye" for me, as I was always heading out somewhere. It's plain to see, though, that they really care for each other. When he got emotional at the funeral home, he cried on her shoulder. And that's how it should be.
They left for the 11-hour drive home Saturday morning. That afternoon, I rented a not-very-minivan, and my wife and I made our final trip to the nursing home to pick up the rest of her items. We said good-bye to a few people we had gotten to know over the years. Then we drove back home. We went through some of the boxes that night. Some of it, especially the clothes, will go to the local St. Vinny's (St. Vincent de Paul) thrift store. Other stuff will be thrown out.
If nothing else, the timing of my mom's death means we will avoid one major headache: The bridge over the Menominee River, which links Iron Mountain and Niagara, is going to be rebuilt during 2011 and will be closed nearly all year. The detour will be lengthy. We have driven over that bridge many, many times over the last five years. But now we don't have to worry about the detour.
****
And life goes on. Back at work this week. We finished up the last boxes from the nursing home Monday night. This morning, I helped her finish up work on the annual directory for her church's women's group--she has done that for year, with me helping out as needed. Then, she went out with the quilters--their first meeting of the fall.
She has got some big things coming up: Starting Thursday, she will be gone to a quilting retreat, which is taking place at a campground on a lake about 15 miles away--they will be working on quilt projects and staying together until the retreat ends on Sunday, so she will be gone three nights.
While the cat's away, the mice will live quietly. Thursday night, I go out to get a picture, and I'm home after that. Friday night, I've got a football game in town. Saturday, I'll be at a volleyball tourney and maybe doing something with David. (I also better get to work on the thank-you cards from last week.) Sunday, I'll watch the Packers' game at noon, and later I'll drive off to the lake to pick her up.
Won't be visiting any friends. Not until next week, when I visit N for the first time since late July.
The quilt retreat is taking place at a church youth camp nearby, and I'm wondering how well the place is heated. But our summers can be coolish at times, and anyway she's been warm-blooded ever since her "change." Warmer than me, in fact; before, it was the other way around.
So she is finally going out and doing something special for herself this year. And in November, she will be doing something else: She is taking another bus tour to Branson, Mo., where she went last fall. But this time, it will be to see all the Christmas shows down there, and she loves Christmas shows. She is trying to talk one of her sisters into coming along. And I'm happy she gets this chance to have a little fun. Fun for her, certainly.
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